Get a DEANS connector and the wiring is usually on the packaging.
But here is the answer:
| == Negative
_ == Positive
For standard connectors:
Round == red == Positive
Square == black == Negative
And yes polarity does matter, otherwise your motor will not spin in the right direction and the anti-reversal latch will prevent the gears from spinning.
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"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment!"
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